7 Proven Ways To Play Office Politics

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1. No best friend!

A company/firm can be likened unto a country with different ethnicities. Alliance to one ethnic group may mean defiance to some/others as the case may be. Radiate the same degree of allegiance to everyone, don’t be close to a particular individual, trust me, eyes are watching you!

2. Nobility is a scarce resource, one you must have!

Are you the type that leaves food leftovers on lunch tables after break; of course who cares, the cleaners would attend to that. It is only noble and professional that even those people are below you, you gotta give some respect and show them you are not one of those assholes. Did you spill tea on the floor, grab the mop and diy!

3. Never give audience to the gossipy mates:

The rule is: if he/she can gossip about others to you, he/she can gossip you to others. When such people come with their usual talks, politely avoid them and pretend you have something to do even if you don’t! Do not give in because you don’t wanna hurt their feelings, maintain your stand!

4. Never bell the cat!

If a boss is erring, never be the one to let it out. You are not a town crier or newscaster. If it is so important that it cannot wait, do well to report such anonymously! Trust me, that erring boss has another superior boss who will stop at nothing to burn pointing fingers. Don’t be a smart fool!

5. Never defaecate near your dining!

Whatever brings you food, even if it’s business, never do shitty deals near such. Learn to master your heart; be logical, be a master at switching off and on romantic mode. Whoever is giving you green signal, be quick to respond in halogen powered red lights. Office romance never ends well. While money-bred hate might be deadly, romance-bred hate is deadlier. Every romance has expiry date, what then happens after expiration?

6. Never be a pawn!

You were asked to come sign/ratify on behalf of one of the absent bosses and you are already thinking high of yourself to have been called upon in such situation; my friend; go and read about Atiku and his PDTF ordeal.

7. Zip your mouth:

Trust me, a single clause can have 5 different meanings, who knows which of the meanings would reflect on listeners’ mind? Shut your mouth and open it when it’s pertinent. When asked for your opinion, tell them you have none, it doesn’t mean you are not wise. Don’t be quick to smear your intelligence at people’s face, trust me, some don’t care and some extremely bitter souls don’t give a bleep. Don’t get into trouble, don’t settle fights, you are not Jesus and you ain’t no mediator. Let whichever party who wanna fight; remember, fighters only disturb everyone when it’s bitter, they’d never call when it is/was sweet!

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