Nice work you doing. I’m a 30-years-old lady with two kids. According to Sharia laws, I’m still married but I have been separated for over 8months now.
The thing is as soon as I started having kids from the first year into our marriage, my husband stopped finding me attractive. I could stay as long as 6months or more without sexual advances from him and when I try to, he pushes me away saying he has a lot going on in his mind. He says I should think of better things and he even stopped sleeping in the same room as me.
I later discovered he was seeing other ladies and went as far as sleeping with my house help, while I yearned for his love and affection. I know you might want to think I’m either dirty or lack manners, but I tell you, I’m neither of those. I’m a very clean person, well mannered and pretty as I hear that from people a lot.
I’m fun to be around and very sociable. I just feel he married me for the wrong reasons being that I added weight after childbirth though some people still see me and don’t realize I’m married let alone a mother of two. I had an accident which left me bedridden for a month and my hubby traveled to God knows where on the third day of my admission into d hospital, no communication what so ever from him.
He returned a few days to my being discharged from d hospital and started making trouble, beats me up in front of d kids and the last straw was, he said our marriage wasn’t working and I should move out leaving the kids behind.
He frustrated me and kept asking when I was going to move out because I didn’t oblige him for a week plus, but was forced to leave when he took away our child for three days without notice. So I went ahead and left with the kids without him suspecting.
Now since we have been apart he’s only come to check on the kids 4 times. I stay at my parents, no monthly allowances, nor school fees. All he wants is for the kids to come on holiday at his place and me introducing him to their school which I have refused to oblige knowing very well he’s capable of taking d kids from me forever.
It has actually not been easy raising the kids alone, but I’m at peace with myself… I’m only worried if I can do it alone as my parents are scared of me being alone without a husband/father figure to my kids.
Dear Mrs. R,
It’s heartbreaking to read your story and see how much you’ve suffered in the hands of someone who was supposed to love and cherish you forever. But I believe you’ve shown incredible strength in how hard you have fought for your kids even if it meant you leaving your matrimonial home. You have forever changed their lives in a positive way by giving them a peaceful home, even if it meant returning to your parents.
Watching their mother get beaten up by their father would have traumatized them forever. They deserve peace and so do you. So first off, pat yourself in the back for being a brave mother for them.
The next step, since you’re separated, is to begin the proceedings so you can get divorced from your partner. Even if you meet someone else today, you cannot take things further. Not if you are religiously and customarily bound to the father of your children.
Then you have to do your best to find a way to provide for your children. Find a job or start a small business. You have come this far and you are strong enough to do this.
Don’t panic about whether or not you’ll find a man. Your children are your first and most important obligation. Think of something you can do that will earn you a little bit here and there at least. Once you can land on your own two feet, life will get easier.
If it’s destined, you’ll meet someone else. But you must never get desperate about that. You have two children right now. And the last thing is for them to be a part of another stressful and unhappy matrimonial home. A child will do better if he’s raised in a happy one-parent household than a miserable two-parent home, remember that.
Let your kids be the fire that pushes you to achieve the impossible. And you will look back at this difficult time someday, and be proud of how far you’ve come.
What do you think she should do in this situation? How would you advise her to move on? Also, check out Jay’s advice to a woman whose boyfriend no longer keeps in touch.
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