Is sex after the first date OK? When do I give up the cookie without coming off as too easy? How long should I hold out before he thinks I’m considered as a girl who’s .ing too hard to get?
These are related questions that never really fade out of our consciousness. They drift in and out of social media timelines, filter in and out of conversations with friends, at offices and other places.
The curiosity is keen, and the concern is not really out of place. Many times, having sex too early may muddle things up and make people take decisions they would not have otherwise taken. At other times, prolonging it, and particularly depriving one’s self for too long when you’re really dying to do it may still not count for much.
One night stands have led people to happy, lasting relationships while waiting till the wedding night has really not been able to save some marriages. This is against the rain of what we have been taught to believe as a society.
Hence the continued confusion on the subject.
When is the best time to have sex with a new partner?
The answer obviously varies by relationship. What works in one relationship will not necessarily work in another which is why the dynamics of a relationship is what should determine what partners do in it, even beyond the issue of sex.
According to a study published in the Journal Of Sex Research, waiting to have sex or getting straight to it has no real impact on relationship happiness.
The study polled 11,000 unmarried people who were in “serious or steady” relationships and asked when they started having sex. The results of these were placed side by side their perceived relationship happiness.
51% of respondents say they waited a few weeks, 38% say they had sex on their first date or within a few weeks, and 11% had sex on their first date.
Time of sex and its effects on relationship happiness
“The couples who reported having sex sooner were slightly unhappier than the other groups–but social scientists credit this discrepancy to the fact that sexual satisfaction overall declines as the new bedroom spark wears off. Have sex sooner? Lose passion faster. But it’s inevitable for anyone, no matter how long you decide to hold off.
“So rather than stressing about whether you had sex “too” soon, try to understand why you are waiting. Is it because you’re still uncomfortable? Is it because they haven’t shown signs of commitment? Is it because of what sex means to you mind, body and soul?” writes Madamenoire.
Overall, the decision to wait or not falls is all yours and you can exercise that choice as you deem fit.